Things People Lie About on Their On-Line Dating Profile: #1 - Smoking

As I investigate the on-line dating sub-culture, I have noticed a few common things people lie about. Because yes, to much shock and horror, people on the internet lie. In reality, on-line dating profiles contain the same lies that you may hear at a bar on a Friday night, although it’s much easier to sniff out a rat when they’re sitting right across from you, looking you in the eye, their little whiskers twitching away. It’s not shocking that someone in search of booty or a relationship would be dishonest, no matter the environment, but what is interesting is the commonality and just how many things are lied about.

The lie that I am addressing today is one that permeates male online dating profiles, and it concerns smoking. On Match.com under the “do you smoke” question, your options are:

No Answer
No Way
Occasionally
Daily
Cigar aficionado
Trying to Quit

The non-smokers always check “No Way”, because you know how non-smokers are. They let their smoking preference be known and they aren’t afraid to make city and statewide laws about where you can smoke. Bitches.

On the other hand, many smokers lie about the amount they smoke. It’s to the point where I think it is fair to say that if anyone checks anything other than the “No Way” box – they smoke, and they smoke more than they let on. However, I must point out that the dude who's picture I've posted here checked the "No Way" box on the smoking question but has a picture of himself with a cigarette. So, does he smoke when he drinks or is his picture just a joke?

An ex-boyfriend of mine is on my dating network, and he chain smokes after waking up in the morning, takes frequent smoke breaks at work, smokes in the car continuously, and he has to wear a nicotine patch on long plane rides. The box he checked in the smoking column is “Occasionally”. The audacity: I’m the real “Occasional” smoker. After I saw his profile, I sent him an email asking why he’s lying about the smoking, and he said, “because I’m trying to cut down”. If that is true, he needs to check “Trying to Quit”. This informs potential dates that you’re a hard-core smoker that is addicted, but you toy with the idea of quitting occasionally.

Another liar I met on this dating website smokes as much as my ex, and he also checked the “Occasionally” box. He constantly has a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and on those rare occasions when the cigarette is not in his mouth, he wheezes. If you are smoking a pack a day – you are a daily smoker. The “Occasional” description of the amount he smokes is just plain dishonest, although, in his defense, he isn’t very forthright in general.

I met another guy who checked the “Cigar Aficionado” box, and after months of dating, I never saw him smoke a cigar. He likes the occasional clove, and tends to smoke when he drinks and during study breaks. Perhaps I am mistaken, but doesn’t this make you an “Occasional” smoker?

So, thank you liars, for filling my on-line dating experience with little surprises. In the meantime, stop lying on your on-line dating profile. All lies are quickly discovered and all rats are eventually sniffed out. I should stock up on Arsenic.

I would also like for online dating networks to add a "pot smoker" option to profiles, as I have met more than one pothead through online dating websites. Not that these guys would be honest about their drug use on a profile anyway, but it would be amusing.