Thursday, April 23, 2009

Celebrity Look-A-Like #3: Vanilla Ice

Hey, Vanilla Ice, stop winking at me. I am sorry, but I’m just not interested.

When I was 13, I really dug “Ice, Ice Baby”. I still dance and sing along to it when it comes on at 80s night in the club, and I felt sorry for you after you were on VH1’s “Surreal Life”. I respect that you’ve grown as a person since your days as “Vanilla”, but hey – aren’t you married? Why the hell are you on an on-line dating website? You fuck! I hope you wife finds out and cuts your fucking balls off. You have now ruined, “Ice” for me forever. Thanks a lot you fucking asshole.

“I grabbed my nine, all I heard were shells”

Vanilla’s profile does not mention his stint on a reality TV show or rap:

I am in a great place in my life now. I like my career, love my family and friends, and enjoy life. I have a happy go lucky personality and look forward to sharing that with someone one day. Basically, if I am not working I am working out at the gym, but I like to do so many things.

For Fun:
I love to hang out with family and friends. In my free time I get to the gym 6 days a week. I enjoy movies and great food. I love being active and making the most of each day. We only live once!

My Religion:
I am a strong believer but like many of us I have not been as active in the church as I need to. Looking forward to improving in that area.

Favorite Hot Spots:
I love to try as many restaurants as I can. As far as traveling anything tropical, but one trip I would love to go on is an Alaskan Crusie I hear great things about it.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Douchebag of the Week #2: Ex-Chippendale Dancer

Isn’t that the kind of thing you wait to tell people on the third or forth date? Oh wait, you are trying to impress girls with that tidbit and the cheesy modeling photo you used as a main profile picture. How old is this picture anyway, ‘cause you are 41.

There are a lot of old guys in the on-line dating scene who are really aggressive in their assertions that although they may be 41, or 52, or 45 – they look and feel young. They tend to blend this assertion with telling you how active and fit they are.

Fellows: you are old. Deal with it gracefully. Saying how young you look and feel and how physically fit you are only makes you look old and pathetic. This guys gets extra Douchebag points though for all his "get to know the real me underneath my good looks" poppycock.
* 41-year-old man
* seeking women 30-48

Favorite hot spots:
My favorite place is the beach. An ideal date would be to go to the beach all afternoon, play in the sun and water. Later, find a restaurant on the water and enjoy each others company. Then take a walk on the moonlit beach, and see what happens...

Favorite things:
My favorites: Food- Italian (but I never get to eat it-fattening).

About my life and what I'm looking for:
Hi... Here I am. Do you really think you see the real "me" from this "format?" I look better, and AM better in person. And, can you really know me from 15 pictures and a thousand word bio? If you think so, then ____________ is the perfect place for you. Honestly, there is much more to me than just my cover. You really should open me up and take a look inside. It will be worth the trip... However, it's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you. I am a humble, confident, outgoing and positive person. If I've grabbed your attention, please read on.

I don't think of myself as a billboard. But as far as describing 'me': I am decent, giving, happy, and kind. I am thankful for the many blessings I have been given, but am so far from being a player, a poser, or a chaser. I am a former Professional Athlete (Soccer), and was a Chippendale Dancer. I have seen it all!

This is how I live my life. I walk the walk! I am looking forward to meeting a woman who inspires me, and one who I inspire and connect with. I am low-maintenance and fun to be with. I enjoy my life, and would love to share it with someone.

I have been told that my looks make me stand out. I do not dwell on this. The best of me is on the inside. I do, however, try to look and feel my best. Physical fitness is a key factor in my life. As is "mind-fitness". I've worked hard at my body, mind, and soul. I feel and look better at 41 than I did at 31.

I guess I want the whole package because I feel I am the whole package. I am loyal, honest, humble, secure, confident, and kind. I believe in the soul. I believe in true love, and I believe in slow, deep, wet kisses that last for days.

** DISCLAIMER: Please pass me by if you are into nightly partying...
Happy hunting...

Thursday, April 9, 2009

What Not To Post On Your On-Line Dating Profile: Lesson 2

You're just out of prison? Then can you please post your mug-shot, ‘cause it couldn’t be worse than your current profile picture.

Also, why are you contacting me if you are "seeking men 18-25"? Or maybe you actually like women, but you were FUBARed when you filled out your profile info and checked the wrong box.

To be honest, the only problem I have with a guy who’s been to prison is that he’s stupid enough to get caught. Do not waste your one phone call to phone me; I will not bail you out, mail you cigarettes, or visit - fool.

Here’s Jailbird’s profile:

* 26-year-old man
* seeking men 18-35

About my life and what I’m looking for:

For fun:

Favorite hot spots:

No answer

My Place: Live with parents/extended family

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Celebrity Look-a-Like #2: Leonardo DiCaprio

This guy has posted a main profile picture that looks exactly like Leonardo DiCaprio (and the photo looks doctored as well) even though in the 20 other pictures posted on his profile, the resemblance is minimal at best. Why do this? It can’t be helping him out with the ladies, because this profile has been up for over a year.

One theory about these celebrity look-a-likes is that they are actually fake profiles: helping to spiff up on-line dating websites with hotties. I have spoken to a number of men that claim they have run into a fake profile or two. They said that a really hot woman would contact them right before their subscription ran out, prompting him to renew, but after the renewal, the emails from the hot girl mysteriously stop. Maybe these guys are in denial they got rejected, but quite a number of guys seem to have the same story.

I have also spoken to another guy who is convinced that one fake chic profile he came across is actually a money scam. He had met a girl on his dating website, and they began emailing. After a few weeks, she started asking him to “invest” in her business. Another guy claims he stumbled upon 4 fake profiles during the first couple of months he was registered. Now he claims he can sniff them out a mile away.

This makes me wonder if “Leo” is just some idiot guy who doctored his photo so he looks like douchenozzle Leonardo DiCaprio in a lame attempt to meet women, or if this is one of those fake profiles I keep hearing about.

Buyer beware.