Friday, January 15, 2010

Douchebag Of The Week #10: Dildo Man

In the on-line dating world, you do sometimes run across people who are married. Sometimes, they lie about being married, other times they are blatantly honest that they are married and looking to have casual sex or searching for a mistress.

This asshole is not only looking for a mistress to peg him with a dildo, he talks about how damn good of a great husband and father he is.

As if someone who is on a free Internet dating site looking for a mistress who will wear a strap-on so he can get fucked in the ass is a great husband. Especially when he talks about how drunk he likes to get on the weekends with his buddies and how bored and meaningless his life is during the week. He sounds like a fucking deadbeat husband and terrible father to me. I hope his wife Lorena Bobbits his cock.
I am thick, a cheat, and kinky.

My Self-Summary:
I'm fat. There, that's out of the way. Other than that I'm a smart guy with a decent education, working on my MBA…

I'm married but looking around. I am NOT looking for casual sex. I need a mistress. If you're OK with that please read more about me.

… I'm into computers, drinking, dancing when drunk enough, cigars, wine, learning, laughing, and people watching. I love cats, cooking, and debate… Currently I spend my days as a computer programmer, my nights as a student, and my weekends as a husband and father. I'm doing pretty damn good at all of those things.

I'm very goal oriented, and I have a long list of short and long term milestones I'm working on…

In my spare time I am on a quest to find good liquor and great cigars…

I'm sorry I don't have anything deep and meaningful to say here, but the fact is I'm not doing anything deep and meaningful with my life right now.

I’m really good at:
I'm great with computers, there's no doubt about that... I'm fucking awesome at drinking, I do it a lot. I'm pretty good at smoking cigars too.

I'm strangely good at exceeding expectations, but I think that comes from keeping people's expectations low to begin with.

The six things I could never do without:
My kids (love them).
Good conversation (need it).
Air conditioning (fat and sweaty).
Sex (need it).
Booze (need it).
Cigars (want them).

I spend a lot of time thinking about:
I am a male of the species, so all other thoughts are broken up frequently by thoughts of sex, oral sex, anal sex, and other sexy things.

On a typical Friday night I am:
I stay in, I go out, I party with a few friends, I party with the whole gang. The key item to take away from my Friday night is that I am not sitting around being bored. That's what weekdays are for.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here:
I like a big dildo up my ass sometimes. No, seriously. I'm into kinky sex and I'm not afraid to let it be known.

You should message me if:
If you're down with getting freaky. If you'd like to peg me with a strap-on. And most importantly, if you're OK with being the "other woman".

Friday, January 8, 2010

Mullet of the Week #1: The Mudflap vs. Product

The Mullet, one of the infamous hairstyles of the 80's known for being "business on top, party at the back". This haircut is also known as: The Tennessee Top Hat, Camaro Cap, Kentucky waterfall, The Mudflap, and The Canadian Passport.

Whatever name it goes by, fellas, cut that shit off.

How this haircut survived the 80's, I have no idea. It's like a cockroach. It just won't die.

This guy could be a sweetheart, but I will never know because I just can't get past that mullet. It's gelled, by Jove. Product. He went metrosexual on the mullet.

Mullets and hair gel should never go together, just like a mullets should not be coupled with porn 'stashes. A nasty product ridden mullet on top of a porno mustache is enough to make me reach for my Purell and my mace.

Poor guy. I just want to hold him down and shave his head. Along with his face.