Thursday, March 26, 2009

Douchebag of the Week #1: Fake Rasta

So, you think ‘cause you got dreadlocks and listen to reggae you are Rasta? Wrong. You are a dirty hippie, not a religious guru. Piss off and go take a bath.

Here are Rasta’s details:
A Rastaman ina the city looking for love and happiness in these troubled and turbulent times, when so many are led astray.. Im 35, raised but not born here in __________, but it is the land that I love most of all, I haven't traveled very much around the world, (I WANT TO).

I am a fiber artist and spend time weaving beautiful creations from my vast collection of Yarn.

I like Gardening, Exploring Nature, collecting music and going to concerts, Mostly Reggae and World Music - I am A Rastafarian and I am guided by the Most High in my works and actions. I try to live a clean and upfull life, staying positive and keeping love in my heart. Im looking for someone to join me on this life journey as Im getting to that point when I want to settle and start a family, Jah willing... anything else you want to know, just link with me at your convenience

Moms side of the family is from England/Wales […] Dad's side is from Belarus/Poland area, […] People say I look Russian...

my religion:
I am A Rastaman

Friday, March 20, 2009

Things Not To Post On Your On-Line Dating Profile: Lesson #1

Please do not post an unflattering photo of yourself for your primary photo. Always be mindful that the primary photo that you post on your on-line dating profile is the first thing anyone sees. First impressions are detrimental to your success, or unsuccess in the on-line dating realm. Therefore, do not post a photo of your old, sour-faced, unattractive, shirtless ass in your nasty, disease-ridden, green-watered hot tub. You are not offering the female race anything good here.

The hot-tub looks like it should be condemned and you need to put a shirt on.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Celebrity Look-a-Like of the Week: The Hoff

A trend I have noticed in the on-line dating scene is the existence of celebrity look-a-likes. Guys will post a main profile picture of themselves where they look very similar to a celebrity. It has to be done on purpose too, because if you scan through their secondary photos, they don’t look so much like that particular celebrity.

My question is: why on Satan’s hot earth would you post a profile picture of yourself that looks like a celebrity douchebag like David Hasslehoff if you’re not taking the piss? Does this actually help get the guy get chics? My guess is no, as he's been on the same on-line dating site for a year.

If this profile and picture were a joke – it would be brilliant. Sadly, however, this is no joke: The Hoff’s doppelganger is looking for action.

If you are a David Hasslehoff fan, or if you are attracted to egocentric, has-been, 80's television stars – here you go. He also appears to make a lot of money, so Gold-Diggers – start your engines. Here are his details:
My likes include mint choc chip ice cream, queso, full lips, carbs, trail running, sleeping, good attitudes, motorcycles, red meat, big dogs, little kids, funny people, cooking, laughing hard and salt. Dislikes are slow drivers, yappy dogs, poor outlooks on life, Atkins diets, people that don't follow through and do what they say, liars and bad teeth. Mutual respect for each other and absolute honesty.Someone who is happy with themselves and where they are in their life but knows the best is yet to come. Good family values are important. Someone that takes pride in themselves and how they look. I think that happiness is sexy. Someone that smiles and is kind to others. They are passionate. They are sexy. Great legs wouldn't hurt. And a nice butt...

About me:
Best Feature: Hair
Income: $100,001 to $150,000

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Single Lassie Seeks Dashing Buccaneer

So here I am, a single, pirate lass in the world. Bored of not meeting men who aren't afraid of me, I have decided to sign up with an on-line dating service.

I'll present myself as a nice girl - yeah, and an attractive girl at that - yeah, and one that won't get you drunk and steal your wallet - yeah. Surely I'll meet some fellows with whom I can occupy my spare time.

I don't really have a "type" per say, but I am going to be picky about the age requirements. I prefer my meat on the fresh side and find men the same age as my father very unattractive, as in - I wouldn't touch it with yours, mate - unattractive.

This blog will chronicle the experience, attempt to root out common fallacies found in the on-line dating world, and publicly call-out assholes and douchebag behavior. Perhaps this blog will be informative for folks who on-line date or who are considering on-line dating as an option. Perhaps not. If not, it's at least a chance for me to poke fun at people. 'Cause making fun of people is mean, and pirates are bitches like that.

"May the grass grow long on the road to hell for want of use." - Irish Toast