Friday, October 30, 2009

What The Fuck Profile #1: The Maritime Murderer

This profile reads like a want ad a serial killer would place in order to find a victim. Why in Satan's hot Hell would you want to take off with someone, alone, on their boat, to South America, when you haven't dated them for at least a couple of months? You body will end up with Natalee Holloway's.

The guy did not even post a picture, so your friends and family could not even tell the police what the guy looked like when the fuzz come by asking who you took off sailing to the Dominican Republic with after your landlord files a missing person report.

This guy may be the head slave trader. Holy shit.

Here's his profile:

Looking for Long Term MATE. Best Frend and LOVER..Let's see the world. Tom , STILL In the D R now 8 / 11 / 09

* 65-year-old man
* seeking women 107-120
* within 4 miles of North Palm Beach, Florida, United States

Body type: No Answer
Height: 7'6" (229cms)
Religion: Spiritual but not religious
Smoke: No Answer
Drink: No Answer

About my life and what I'm looking for:
Do you Think you would like living on A 65 Boat / swimming / travel / adventure !!!! I live and cruse full time aboard a 65' trawler At this TIME 8 / 11 /09 i am in The Dominican Republic, Luperon aboard MV Essential Part getting ready to go south To Putrco Rico St Thomas St john St croix. centeral America and on. Yes the boat is big enough. E mail me if you have any question's There are so many things to cover and try and explain for this life style very easy going.

Looking For My best frend and lover to travel with.
Yes I am a long term cruser since 2003

I like to live in shorts
Work hard play hard
and enjoy life..

I like light jaz swim ,dive ,cook, and see new things and places I make KILLER FUDGE !! cant find any here in the D R maby I should start selling it.. all the other boaters love it, How about U.?

Liveing and crusing on my boat is Not, as much fun alone!!!!!!
I just Renewed my acc for 3 months 4/ 8 / 09 upping anchor on MV /ESSENTIAl PART and moving south slowly destination ??? some place . HOME IS WHERE THE BOAT IS !!
Want to stop in south america to refuel 2 month from now or 1 1/2 years , no watch or calander I will be checking in here as Internet conection permit..
If you have a (REAL INTREST) in this life Style contact ME.. DR at this time 7 / 1/ 09 out of here in three weeks Maby, It is realey nice here and the people are wonderfull .Then to haul the boat and paint bottom so will need to haul in Trinadad at some point ..will spend some time in St Thomas and stay for a wile ( Come on down ....)

Friday, October 23, 2009

Douchebag Of The Week #7: The Moocher

The one thing this fuckstick has going for him is that he appears to be honest with what kind of woman he is looking for: a red-headed, spineless, money-making mouse.

This guy is a free-loading parasite. He is looking for a rich woman who will take care of him while he drinks, watches mudfights, and goes to titty bars. What woman would hate herself enough to actively pursue the kind of man I see getting pummeled by Judge Judy and Judge Alex for being a deadbeat dad? This guy has nothing to offer the female race but a penis and scrotum cheese, and really girls, we can find dicks anywhere. They even sell cocks in stores now.

I am curious as to whether he doesn’t like to work because his money is taken by the state in order to pay child-support for his 3 kids or if he’s just lazy. I’m guessing both. I wonder if he pays for his on-line dating service subscription with money one of his girlfriends gave him.

Here’s The Moocher’s Profile:

38-year-old man
seeking women 18-70

Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: Yes, and they live away from home (More than 3)
Want kids: Definitely

Religion: Jewish
Smoke: Daily
Drink: Regularly

About my life and what I'm looking for:
Hey I am looking for my lifelong-companion, It's hard for me to describe myself, but I look like a black Mel brooks, I don't like to work, I hope you can support me. I'm laid back, enjoy smoking, NASCAR, wrestling, mudfights, guns, gentlemen's clubs

About me:
Exercise habits: Never
Income: Less Than $25,000
Languages: English, Hebrew
Politics: Ultra Conservative

About my date:
Hair: Auburn / Red
Eyes: Grey
Height: 3'0" (91cms) to 8'0" (244cms)
Body type: Big and beautiful, Full-figured

Languages: English, Hebrew
Ethnicity: No Answer

Job: No Answer
Income: $150,001+

Smoke: Daily
Drink: Regularly

Relationships: Currently Separated

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Douchebag Of The Week #6: The Married Guy

Yes, some of the people on these on-line dating websites are married and looking to cheat on their spouses. It happens in real life, unfortunately, and it happens in the on-line realm as well. Some of these married people looking for sexual encounters or girl/boy friends lie and say they're single. Others will tell you their marital status after they lure you in.

I have met some people while on-line dating who have told me they run into married men on occasion. Many times these cheaters do not post pictures on their profiles, just in case someone who knows them runs across it and tells their spouse. I also met one guy who told me about a date he went on where the husband of his date caught her out on a date with him, in the middle of said date. The husband flipped out – rightfully so. This guy had no idea his date was married.

Some people are just assholes and cheat. Look out for these self-serving fuck-sticks as you on-line date, just as you would as you met folks in the bars, nightclubs, and sporting events of real world. Beware of the pictureless profile in particular, although not all cheaters are scared of posting pictures.

An acquaintance of mine recently signed up for an on-line dating site called OKCupid and started communicating with a guy she was interested in, who by all intents and appearances - looks like a single guy in his profile. Check out the Instant Message conversation she had with this cum-wad:

Him: so, when do you want me to come over?

Her: haha well we can meet somewhere first

Him: sounds good to me

Her: cool

Him: you are very pretty tho

Her: thanks thats sweet

Him: @}--->----- for you

Her: haha thanks

Him: youre welcome

Her: :)

Him: ;P

Her: so when do you want to meet up

Him: i dont know. sometime.

Her: ok

Him: i will tell you this. i am married. you can hate me if you want.

Her: ok yeah why are you on here if you are married

Him: long story, but i am looking for a casual encounter. i have my reasons and like i said, long story

Her: ok yeah well i am not interested

Him: thats fine

Him: i respect that

Her: ok

Her: bye

Him: have a great day

Thursday, October 1, 2009

What Not To Post On Your On-Line Dating Profile: Lesson 10

Everyone has a bad hair day, but make sure your bad hair day does not follow you onto to your on-line dating profile. Put your best foot forward instead of your mullet or Donald Trump comb-over.

Mullets and Trump comb-overs send bad messages to potential dates in the on-line dating world. At the very least they tell the ladies that you are living in the past, man. If you are so insecure about loosing your hair - face reality and buy some plugs, or shave your head. A comb-over is not only ugly, but it tells us exactly how vulnerable your self-esteem is. You will be an easy target for strippers.

A mullet reveals a man so far removed from mullet-reality that he has no
idea that haircut is so detestable that mullet wigs are sold as
Halloween costumes. No one looks hot in a mullet - not even chics.

All of us have had a terrible hair-cut at some point in our lives, but don't let yours haunt your on-line dating profile.