Friday, January 15, 2010

Douchebag Of The Week #10: Dildo Man

In the on-line dating world, you do sometimes run across people who are married. Sometimes, they lie about being married, other times they are blatantly honest that they are married and looking to have casual sex or searching for a mistress.

This asshole is not only looking for a mistress to peg him with a dildo, he talks about how damn good of a great husband and father he is.

As if someone who is on a free Internet dating site looking for a mistress who will wear a strap-on so he can get fucked in the ass is a great husband. Especially when he talks about how drunk he likes to get on the weekends with his buddies and how bored and meaningless his life is during the week. He sounds like a fucking deadbeat husband and terrible father to me. I hope his wife Lorena Bobbits his cock.
_________________________________________________
I am thick, a cheat, and kinky.

My Self-Summary:
I'm fat. There, that's out of the way. Other than that I'm a smart guy with a decent education, working on my MBA…

I'm married but looking around. I am NOT looking for casual sex. I need a mistress. If you're OK with that please read more about me.

… I'm into computers, drinking, dancing when drunk enough, cigars, wine, learning, laughing, and people watching. I love cats, cooking, and debate… Currently I spend my days as a computer programmer, my nights as a student, and my weekends as a husband and father. I'm doing pretty damn good at all of those things.

I'm very goal oriented, and I have a long list of short and long term milestones I'm working on…

In my spare time I am on a quest to find good liquor and great cigars…

I'm sorry I don't have anything deep and meaningful to say here, but the fact is I'm not doing anything deep and meaningful with my life right now.

I’m really good at:
I'm great with computers, there's no doubt about that... I'm fucking awesome at drinking, I do it a lot. I'm pretty good at smoking cigars too.

I'm strangely good at exceeding expectations, but I think that comes from keeping people's expectations low to begin with.

The six things I could never do without:
My kids (love them).
Good conversation (need it).
Air conditioning (fat and sweaty).
Sex (need it).
Booze (need it).
Cigars (want them).

I spend a lot of time thinking about:
I am a male of the species, so all other thoughts are broken up frequently by thoughts of sex, oral sex, anal sex, and other sexy things.

On a typical Friday night I am:
I stay in, I go out, I party with a few friends, I party with the whole gang. The key item to take away from my Friday night is that I am not sitting around being bored. That's what weekdays are for.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here:
I like a big dildo up my ass sometimes. No, seriously. I'm into kinky sex and I'm not afraid to let it be known.

You should message me if:
If you're down with getting freaky. If you'd like to peg me with a strap-on. And most importantly, if you're OK with being the "other woman".

6 comments:

Attila the Hon said...

Holy, shit, I think that guy is in my class. Shit father, crappy husband, social retard, and drunk. Damn.

Courtney said...

Ew. WTF, somebody needs to stop this guy. His poor kids.. what a great dad, liking a plastic sausage shoved up his pooper... must make his family so proud.

Miss Peregrin said...

Ugh. He certainly wins my "Douche with a Dildo" prize for the year.

Father Simon Super Priest said...

You need one of those attachments like in Seven where the guy was with the hooker and he diced her up. Go out with him, use that on the big fat dildo and see if he ever tries to cheat again

brookeamanda said...

He is King Douchebag. I, too, have run into married men on these dating websites and the best I can say about this piece o' shit is at least he's honest :)

Ivy and Haley said...

I'm pretty sure he along with 20 of his identical twins frequent my strip club every night.